Wednesday 29 October 2014

W is for Wish

Wish - verb Feel or express a strong desire for something that cannot or probably will not happen.

I bet most 'regular' people would say that the first thing someone with a chronic illness or disability would wish for is to be normal and healthy.

 I bet that they are wrong. 

Sure, when things are tough, in times of frustration and anger we probably say that we wish our lives were different but we don't really mean it. Although our problems don't define us they do make up who we are, without them we wouldn't have the same perceptions, ideas or attitudes so wishing them away just isn't something we'd do. 

Of course I'm generalising a little bit and I'm sorry if you think that I'm being crazy but out of my spoonie friends I don't think more than 10% of them would genuinely wish away their problems. 
I've had this conversation with a friend of mine who has recently had some health issues that although chronic are pretty treatable and when I said I wouldn't give up my problems she was definitely shocked. It's not like I wouldn't give up the pain, that's what medication is for, because I seriously would. But if I had to chose between the pain and the fog, I'd chose the pain in a heartbeat. 

Since getting 'sick' my life has literally turned upside down and I now face issues that I'd never even considered before but I wouldn't change it, not really. Without them I wouldn't be where I am now, maybe I wouldn't think the same and I definitely wouldn't have a lot of the friends I do now. 

V is for Verification

Verification - noun The process of establishing the truth, accuracy, or validity of something. 

Feeling the need to verify your problems to utter strangers and unfortunately some family and friends is something that often happens to Spoonies. We even have a little spiel prepared in our heads ready for the moment the words 'But you look so normal...' are inevitably slipped into the conversation. We'll play down how sick we feel, just how exhausted of it all we are because we don't want people to think we're winging but at the same time we'll try to educate them in a round about way that leaves them more confused about exactly what's wrong with us than they were before and totally sworn off ever asking us about it again.

It's a habit we need to stop. 

The whole thing is ridiculous. If the people feel the need to prompt this panic inducing conversation then they aren't people you need to be around, maybe the first time you could be forgiving and have a go at explaining (MINUS THE AFORE MENTIONED SPEECH) how you manage to look so average when you are secretly superhuman but you would be a better person than I. My reaction tends to be to literally bite my tongue, laugh and say something about looks being deceiving in an only slightly sarcastic manner. 

You don't need their approval or acceptance. It really is that simple, I wish I had more to say about this but I kind of don't. You just don't need it. At all.