Satan gets at me on Saturday.
Around mid-afternoon I will get a text or a notification that will remind me that it's Saturday which means church is tomorrow. It's not that I forget, it's more that it isn't necessarily on my mind as I walk along the beach or look for photo frames in overcrowded shops. Anyway, every week this happens, sometimes it's to remind me to bring something for YWs or to ask if I need a ride and other times it's our RS president posting an uplifting quote on our Facebook page - it doesn't matter what it is really because that little reminder starts a game with Satan that I'm not sure I always win.
One of the first things that will come up is that I'm too tired. Sometimes I genuinely am too ill or tired to make it to church but there's plenty of times when I'm actually not. Of course, I'm always tired thanks to my health problems but I'm rarely too tired to sit down for three hours, ya know? The adversary will tell me I am, it will whisper that I don't have the energy and that the little energy I do have would be better used somewhere else. It will tell me to stay in bed, have a lie in because I woke up early today or because I didn't sleep well Friday night. It's so easy to agree, who doesn't relish the idea of a lovely warm lie in with breakfast in bed and a leisurely shower? None of that would actually happen but Satan tells me that this time it will if I just stay in bed instead. Thrown in with this one is the thought that I'm too sick, I'm too unhealthy and ill to possibly go, I should just lay in my bed like a Victorian lady with a touch of the vapours all day. This one doesn't get me as much, it's been around for too long for me to listen much anymore.
Next up will be the murmurs of my inequity. These ones are easy bait, it's not hard to make me feel unworthy or inferior and the adversary knows that. He'll tell me that I'm not good enough to be there, I don't deserve the atonement or the blessings because I messed up too much and didn't read my scriptures enough. That nobody really likes me and I'm just a burden on them, that it's easier for them to not have me there at all. It's a similar feeling to not wanting to go to school when you haven't done your homework and you just know the teacher is going to ask you about it in front of everyone and you're not going to know the answer. Like I said, this ones easy for the adversary and it's probably the most prevalent part of this Saturday game.
Later that afternoon will come the urge to text ahead to say I'm not coming, to make up some reason as to why I can't be there. I've never given in to lying but I'm sure I've exaggerated just how ill I feel once or twice because it's even easier for the adversary to keep you away from church when you're already feeling rough. Hey, I admitted that I don't always win. My absences have been minimal in reality, and 90% of those have been for totally legitimate health or travel reasons.
By the evening time I'm well and truly stressed out from the inner turmoil between wanting to be there and feeling like I can't. Having two anxiety disorders makes this harder too, panic attacks aren't uncommon at this stage thanks to the PAD and I'm usually ready to quit the whole thing and hide in a hole. My anxiety makes it hard for me to go out at all, especially with people, especially with the chance of meeting strangers, especially to a place (a destination as opposed to just being out walking around town), especially when I'm unable to leave at anytime, especially when I can't sit comfortably to regulate pain, especially when I don't feel in control or knowledgeable... can you see why church can be so hard sometimes?
I've gone off track here, as I was saying- by the evening I'm ready to cancel but I try to convince myself that I'm in control by planning. I plan what I need to take, what bag I need and what to have for breakfast. Then comes the dreaded moment of choosing an outfit. And Satan's back in full force. I'm not a dress or skirt kind of girl, I'm a jeans and check shirt, converse and a hoody type of girl. Leather boots and leggings at a push, but not a dress. And not a dress that could be described as 'Sunday best' so even though I try to shop for church dresses I'm usually erring on the casual side due to my personal (lack of) style and my need for comfortable clothing. Somehow, there are a lot of LDS ladies that have this ability to dress themselves immaculately with their groomed horde of children, while their husband left three hours ago for meetings. It's intimidating beyond belief, I know that's an exaggeration but that's how it feels most days- I'm just not ladylike enough. So there comes Satan telling me that I'm not pretty enough, I look terrible and everyone is judging me and I believe it. Hook, line and sinker I fall because I already feel so fragile that a feather could know me down. I nearly always cry on either Saturday night or Sunday morning because I'm convinced that I look awful, absolutely and disgustingly awful which is why I often wear make-up to church, even though I'm not huge on that either, as a way to hide the red eyes and feel a little more put together.
Satan comes for me on Saturday nights and tells me that I'm not good enough. He tells me to give up because I'm going to fail anyway and I don't always manage to win the fight. But I try, I chose my outfit even though it makes me cry. I plan my lesson and prepare my bag. I set my alarm and arrange my ride. I say a teary 'why is this so hard!' prayer and I try to sleep while my stomach churns with anxiety.
I try because I know that's what counts. The trying is why we're here, oh how easy it would be to have a perfect knowledge and no fear of falling, but oh how sad it would be to know that I forfeited the eternal rewards. Remember that Satan wanted us to have no free will, to live a life free of failing, but also free of success and beauty. So I keep trying and while I try I remember that Jesus died for this very reason- he died so I could try. I can never repay the debt he cleared for me but by trying my hardest to win the battle with Satan I can show my gratitude.
It's 11:45 Saturday night, I've been through all of this today and more. I'm teaching tomorrow and can't be at church next week as I'll be away so Satan worked a little harder, I don't have an outfit picked so I'll probably cry about that in the morning and I've already considered wiping my whole lesson plan and starting over at least twice.
Satan came for me tonight and I'm not sure if I'm winning, but I'm sure as heck going to try.
(As it's now midnight I haven't edited this. I'm sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes)
Saturday, 25 February 2017
Wednesday, 1 February 2017
Free ASK youth theme printables
Tuesday, 24 January 2017
An apology and an explanation.
In November I got muggle sick, that means I had what appeared to be Slapped Cheek Virus which is a regular non-chronic illness, my body is so busy fighting to keep functioning that there isn't a reserve tank of energy for fighting off bugs so it always hits me pretty hard. Anyway, I'm still sick with this virus in late January, I've tried all the elixirs and potions you can think of but it's still here.
At the end of November I flew to America to stay with friends for two and half weeks, while there I got even sicker which made the flight back horrendously painful for my poor blocked ears and bloody nose.
My husband was flown home from his Royal Navy deployment in the Falkland Islands the day after I landed back in the UK due to a back injury.
I spent the next two or three weeks trying to recover from my trip, care for him and keep the regular day to day chores at bay. I don't think I did a great job on any of those actually.
We took a trip to the North to visit family the next weekend, then a week later we rushed up both again after my grandmother-in-law was taken to hospital. It's a good 4-6 hour drive each way, the second weekend we spent 4 nights on a sofa. During both of those trips we ate mostly junk food because that was all that was available to us, I felt terrible.
Then came Christmas, which even though the day itself was wonderful is always a stressful time of year. We spent the holidays in our own home, just the two of us and a lot of Star Wars Lego.
Two days before Christmas I decided to open a business, great timing I know, that I'd wanted to bring to life for so long and I'm pleased to report is doing okay so far, I'll leave a link at the bottom for shameless self promotion. Opening a business, even a small hobby business in your spare bedroom is stressful and time consuming to say the least.
2017 started with me branching out via friends with editing work for historic/language/geographic fact checking and continuity, which is something I really enjoy doing but, had always been a favour to friends before.
Today my husband started the year long process of leaving the Royal Navy, it's been a long time coming and we'd been holding off for the opportunity to live abroad. When that opportunity was retracted we decided now was the time, it's been over 7 years when he leaves and in that time we've never spent more than 9 or 10 weeks together in one go. That's our whole relationship, we don't know what life will be like on the other side but we'll soon find out.
Oh, and it's winter so of course my body is flaring left, right and centre. And of course there's the usual modern stresses, politics, marriage, household chores...
What I'm trying to say is that I've dropped the ball on so many things since early November that I can't even count them all. And I truly and so very sorry if any of them hurt you when they fell, I have made promises to try harder a thousand times over these past months but it's time to admit that I simply don't have enough hands to keep juggling them all.
I've lost contact with friends that I hope I can regain, I don't even speak to my sister as much as I used to. I miss our daily phone calls and FaceTimes in which we made our dogs talk to each other while we set the world to rights.
I started a project last year to create a community centred on a daily scripture verse that reminded us to be fearless and brave, I made it 55 days before I dropped that ball. I loved, and still love that project but I've come to realise that I'm not the best person right now to keep it alive. I'm hoping somebody else can create my vision because I really think the world needs it right now.
Booktube and Bookstagram were communities and hobbies I loved being a part of that have fallen to the wayside too, these I hope to pick back up on a smaller scale. Even this blog has suffered.
I'm the Young Women's secretary in my ward, that means it's my job to organise the leaders and teen girls in my church, and I've let my duties drift too. My president, the boss, will vehemently say I haven't but it's obvious I have. I haven't even put a new calendar up yet and I don't think I've sent out the monthly newsletter since October. All I can do there is apologise, pray that you can forgive me and start over. Unfortunately that's not the only church related thing to suffer from my poor juggling, I missed basically all of my Temple prep classes so I can't fulfil the big plans everyone had for me, including my own, to enter the temple as soon as my year anniversary passed. It's still my dream, but it will take more time. Between travel and illness I've missed a lot of services too, I haven't taught for a long time and I'm behind on my visiting teaching assignments already. These balls are high on my list to pick back up.
I've been a pretty lousy wife too I reckon, my husband doesn't read this btw, I know it isn't my job to be Mrs.Domestic Goddess but I've still let my responsibilities in the house slide more than I should. I'm making headway with this one, less easy cook junk food and more easy cook real food. One day I might even win the ongoing battle of the laundry basket, how do two people have so many clothes? I'm considering trying the 333 challenge in an attempt to slay the dragon, the idea is to choose 33 items of clothing only for 3 months, after that you decide wether to keep your other clothes or get rid.
With my husband leaving the Navy we also lose our flat as we live in military housing, that means we need to find somewhere to live once the time draws near and to stay here, where we both have built a great network, will mean that I have to find work that won't set me back medically as living here is fairly expensive. He'll also need to find training courses and then eventually a new job while adjusting to life on civvy street. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time.
Like I said earlier, the list goes on forever and I've probably forgotten more than one ball along the way. I'm not going to make empty promises to wake up tomorrow with everything perfectly balanced, that's simply not going to happen. I'm a perfectionist, I'm brutally hard on myself and I can't cope with failure so trust me, if I'm admitting defeat then there truly is no hope.
What I will do is apologise again and again to the people who I've hurt along the way these past few months and hope that we can repair any damage I caused.
At the end of November I flew to America to stay with friends for two and half weeks, while there I got even sicker which made the flight back horrendously painful for my poor blocked ears and bloody nose.
My husband was flown home from his Royal Navy deployment in the Falkland Islands the day after I landed back in the UK due to a back injury.
I spent the next two or three weeks trying to recover from my trip, care for him and keep the regular day to day chores at bay. I don't think I did a great job on any of those actually.
We took a trip to the North to visit family the next weekend, then a week later we rushed up both again after my grandmother-in-law was taken to hospital. It's a good 4-6 hour drive each way, the second weekend we spent 4 nights on a sofa. During both of those trips we ate mostly junk food because that was all that was available to us, I felt terrible.
Then came Christmas, which even though the day itself was wonderful is always a stressful time of year. We spent the holidays in our own home, just the two of us and a lot of Star Wars Lego.
Two days before Christmas I decided to open a business, great timing I know, that I'd wanted to bring to life for so long and I'm pleased to report is doing okay so far, I'll leave a link at the bottom for shameless self promotion. Opening a business, even a small hobby business in your spare bedroom is stressful and time consuming to say the least.
2017 started with me branching out via friends with editing work for historic/language/geographic fact checking and continuity, which is something I really enjoy doing but, had always been a favour to friends before.
Today my husband started the year long process of leaving the Royal Navy, it's been a long time coming and we'd been holding off for the opportunity to live abroad. When that opportunity was retracted we decided now was the time, it's been over 7 years when he leaves and in that time we've never spent more than 9 or 10 weeks together in one go. That's our whole relationship, we don't know what life will be like on the other side but we'll soon find out.
Oh, and it's winter so of course my body is flaring left, right and centre. And of course there's the usual modern stresses, politics, marriage, household chores...
What I'm trying to say is that I've dropped the ball on so many things since early November that I can't even count them all. And I truly and so very sorry if any of them hurt you when they fell, I have made promises to try harder a thousand times over these past months but it's time to admit that I simply don't have enough hands to keep juggling them all.
I've lost contact with friends that I hope I can regain, I don't even speak to my sister as much as I used to. I miss our daily phone calls and FaceTimes in which we made our dogs talk to each other while we set the world to rights.
I started a project last year to create a community centred on a daily scripture verse that reminded us to be fearless and brave, I made it 55 days before I dropped that ball. I loved, and still love that project but I've come to realise that I'm not the best person right now to keep it alive. I'm hoping somebody else can create my vision because I really think the world needs it right now.
Booktube and Bookstagram were communities and hobbies I loved being a part of that have fallen to the wayside too, these I hope to pick back up on a smaller scale. Even this blog has suffered.
I'm the Young Women's secretary in my ward, that means it's my job to organise the leaders and teen girls in my church, and I've let my duties drift too. My president, the boss, will vehemently say I haven't but it's obvious I have. I haven't even put a new calendar up yet and I don't think I've sent out the monthly newsletter since October. All I can do there is apologise, pray that you can forgive me and start over. Unfortunately that's not the only church related thing to suffer from my poor juggling, I missed basically all of my Temple prep classes so I can't fulfil the big plans everyone had for me, including my own, to enter the temple as soon as my year anniversary passed. It's still my dream, but it will take more time. Between travel and illness I've missed a lot of services too, I haven't taught for a long time and I'm behind on my visiting teaching assignments already. These balls are high on my list to pick back up.
I've been a pretty lousy wife too I reckon, my husband doesn't read this btw, I know it isn't my job to be Mrs.Domestic Goddess but I've still let my responsibilities in the house slide more than I should. I'm making headway with this one, less easy cook junk food and more easy cook real food. One day I might even win the ongoing battle of the laundry basket, how do two people have so many clothes? I'm considering trying the 333 challenge in an attempt to slay the dragon, the idea is to choose 33 items of clothing only for 3 months, after that you decide wether to keep your other clothes or get rid.
With my husband leaving the Navy we also lose our flat as we live in military housing, that means we need to find somewhere to live once the time draws near and to stay here, where we both have built a great network, will mean that I have to find work that won't set me back medically as living here is fairly expensive. He'll also need to find training courses and then eventually a new job while adjusting to life on civvy street. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time.
Like I said earlier, the list goes on forever and I've probably forgotten more than one ball along the way. I'm not going to make empty promises to wake up tomorrow with everything perfectly balanced, that's simply not going to happen. I'm a perfectionist, I'm brutally hard on myself and I can't cope with failure so trust me, if I'm admitting defeat then there truly is no hope.
What I will do is apologise again and again to the people who I've hurt along the way these past few months and hope that we can repair any damage I caused.
Sunday, 15 January 2017
Affirmations, inspiration and motivation.
There are a million of these stories out there, some have made the writer famous while most have been read by friends and family only to be forgotten a day or two later. I hope that none of them have gone unread.
Even though there are millions of these stories out there I still want to tell you mine. Because mine is different, no it's not particularly special or amazing, it's simply mine and that's what makes it different.
Just to add a disclaimer, I love all of the things I'm about to mention. I'm not 'hating' on them or the people who make and love them. I'm one of you, I'm just using them as a vessel to make a point.
Recently we've all become slightly obsessed with inspirational things, have you noticed? There are calendars, books and videos. There's clothing and gadgets and who even knows what else all designed with the sole intention of inspiring us to be happy. They go by affirmations, inspirations and motivations and have spread through the internet like wildfire even seeping into non-cyber shopping and media. It's a worthwhile cause, like I said I pretty much love them. But, this part gets me a little...uncomfortable, this idea of being happy has become a business. Happiness is commercial now, telling someone how to be happy is basically a solid business plan now and that just doesn't sit too well with me. I don't mind people making money on things they've worked hard on, or are passionate about or whatever. I get that money is pretty important if you want to live nowadays, it's just all a bit much for my tastes.
Now, you probably already know that I have clinical depression, that doesn't mean that I'm 'sad' or 'down' or upset because I ran out of ice cream, it actually means that there is a chemical imbalance in my brain that's probably always been there and probably always will be. Some days it's more imbalanced than others and sometimes that imbalance can last a while. To get back to my point, when I have been in the darkest pits of depression no amount of platitudes have helped significantly me. I have not looked at a photo of a cat telling me that 'you got this' and suddenly jumped back up to normal life. It just doesn't happen. Sure, it's cute and I love seeing them to make me smile for a moment and I do remember particular ones that touched me but they didn't fix anything or impact upon my life in a significant way.
(Did you know that getting sidetracked like this, losing focus and evading something is a symptom of depression...)
If you don't have depression and simply find yourself thinking that everything is dark and mean sometimes then this advice absolutely goes for you too, so listen up.
So, what's my secret? How do I crawl out of that hole? Well, I'm not sure I do, I feel like I get about halfway out most of the time and that's fine by me. How do I get to even halfway when the light is so dim and the world so numbingly grey?
I look at the trees; I look at my dog; I looks at pizza and lactose free chocolate milk; I listen to angsty teenage songs and piano concertos; I read trashy celebrity news and literary fiction; I just take in the world around me and remember one vital thing. This world, this universe, this life and eternity where made just for me. Just as they're made just for you. If you were the only living thing in all of creation, the world would be just as wonderous. Pizza would still taste so good, puppies would still have waggly tails and the stars would still burn brightly. Because, the creator of all of this stuff is desperate for me to be happy and that doesn't cost a penny.
If you need an inspirational book or two to get your day going I have some you can borrow, in fact I'll give you your very own, it's one of the oldest records of this world and has one central theme. There is so much hope.
So why has this basic principle become big business? In short, the world is a scary place full of expectations and blame. We all need cheering up once in a while, some of us need a little more when that black dog of depression comes round for a party, so the self-same world as that ones who made us feel bad are also the ones making us feel good. Do you see how that is a great business plan? Have some one pay you to make them unhappy, then have them pay you to make them happy again.
I'm categorically not saying that faith or religion will cure mental illness. Let me say that again, faith and religion will not cure mental illness. Don't come running after me with a lynch mob, okay?
I'm also not claiming that my faith has fixed my depression, it's still there and probably always will be. My faith enables me to remember that there is more than the nothingness when it seems like there isn't. When I found my connection to Heavenly Father and the Saviour I was in one of the darkest places I've ever been, I couldn't see a way out or even a reason why I would want there to be a way out. I was almost content in my misery, the world was grey and I was way too tired to care. Knowing that there is more than this life and realising that I had someone who love me so immensely that he created a universe for me gave me so much hope that my grey fog seemed just a little thinner than usual.
Did you catch my drift? You don't need all of these ...things... to be happy, you can like them and make them and do whatever but they're not necessary.
I need to turn on your selfie-mode camera, or go and find a mirror for a second okay?
The greatest reason to be happy to ever be in existence is right in front of you. It's under your feet and in your fridge; it's holding your hand and blasting out of your headphones. And it's absolutely free.
Even though there are millions of these stories out there I still want to tell you mine. Because mine is different, no it's not particularly special or amazing, it's simply mine and that's what makes it different.
Just to add a disclaimer, I love all of the things I'm about to mention. I'm not 'hating' on them or the people who make and love them. I'm one of you, I'm just using them as a vessel to make a point.
Recently we've all become slightly obsessed with inspirational things, have you noticed? There are calendars, books and videos. There's clothing and gadgets and who even knows what else all designed with the sole intention of inspiring us to be happy. They go by affirmations, inspirations and motivations and have spread through the internet like wildfire even seeping into non-cyber shopping and media. It's a worthwhile cause, like I said I pretty much love them. But, this part gets me a little...uncomfortable, this idea of being happy has become a business. Happiness is commercial now, telling someone how to be happy is basically a solid business plan now and that just doesn't sit too well with me. I don't mind people making money on things they've worked hard on, or are passionate about or whatever. I get that money is pretty important if you want to live nowadays, it's just all a bit much for my tastes.
Now, you probably already know that I have clinical depression, that doesn't mean that I'm 'sad' or 'down' or upset because I ran out of ice cream, it actually means that there is a chemical imbalance in my brain that's probably always been there and probably always will be. Some days it's more imbalanced than others and sometimes that imbalance can last a while. To get back to my point, when I have been in the darkest pits of depression no amount of platitudes have helped significantly me. I have not looked at a photo of a cat telling me that 'you got this' and suddenly jumped back up to normal life. It just doesn't happen. Sure, it's cute and I love seeing them to make me smile for a moment and I do remember particular ones that touched me but they didn't fix anything or impact upon my life in a significant way.
(Did you know that getting sidetracked like this, losing focus and evading something is a symptom of depression...)
If you don't have depression and simply find yourself thinking that everything is dark and mean sometimes then this advice absolutely goes for you too, so listen up.
So, what's my secret? How do I crawl out of that hole? Well, I'm not sure I do, I feel like I get about halfway out most of the time and that's fine by me. How do I get to even halfway when the light is so dim and the world so numbingly grey?
I look at the trees; I look at my dog; I looks at pizza and lactose free chocolate milk; I listen to angsty teenage songs and piano concertos; I read trashy celebrity news and literary fiction; I just take in the world around me and remember one vital thing. This world, this universe, this life and eternity where made just for me. Just as they're made just for you. If you were the only living thing in all of creation, the world would be just as wonderous. Pizza would still taste so good, puppies would still have waggly tails and the stars would still burn brightly. Because, the creator of all of this stuff is desperate for me to be happy and that doesn't cost a penny.
If you need an inspirational book or two to get your day going I have some you can borrow, in fact I'll give you your very own, it's one of the oldest records of this world and has one central theme. There is so much hope.
So why has this basic principle become big business? In short, the world is a scary place full of expectations and blame. We all need cheering up once in a while, some of us need a little more when that black dog of depression comes round for a party, so the self-same world as that ones who made us feel bad are also the ones making us feel good. Do you see how that is a great business plan? Have some one pay you to make them unhappy, then have them pay you to make them happy again.
I'm categorically not saying that faith or religion will cure mental illness. Let me say that again, faith and religion will not cure mental illness. Don't come running after me with a lynch mob, okay?
I'm also not claiming that my faith has fixed my depression, it's still there and probably always will be. My faith enables me to remember that there is more than the nothingness when it seems like there isn't. When I found my connection to Heavenly Father and the Saviour I was in one of the darkest places I've ever been, I couldn't see a way out or even a reason why I would want there to be a way out. I was almost content in my misery, the world was grey and I was way too tired to care. Knowing that there is more than this life and realising that I had someone who love me so immensely that he created a universe for me gave me so much hope that my grey fog seemed just a little thinner than usual.
Did you catch my drift? You don't need all of these ...things... to be happy, you can like them and make them and do whatever but they're not necessary.
I need to turn on your selfie-mode camera, or go and find a mirror for a second okay?
The greatest reason to be happy to ever be in existence is right in front of you. It's under your feet and in your fridge; it's holding your hand and blasting out of your headphones. And it's absolutely free.
Wednesday, 7 December 2016
Fancy on a budget
I know what it's like to have a few days until payday and empty cupboards, I've been there more than once and now stock my cupboards with staples in case that day ever comes again. There are always surprise bills, broken appliances, emergency trips to the vet...the list goes on and on and on and on. It's a worry most of us have, I know it was definitely a concern for my parents more than once when we were young.
One of the ways I stock up without breaking the bank is to use a site called Approved Food that sells out of date or short dated foods for very cheap. The food is absolutely safe to eat and most of it will stay fine for a long time, such as dried pasta or flavouring sachets - both of which make a big difference when things get tight. Pasta is a wonderfully versatile staple, great for whole meals or even bulking out other ingredients and the flavouring/sauce sachets can make even the cheapest, blandest food something much more appetising.
Most of the recipes I post here are low budget, as part of the chronic illness community I know that money is always short. Being chronically sick or disabled is EXPENSIVE, coupled with the fact that working in a way that provides enough of a income to live from is incredibly difficult and benefits don't bring in much, this means that finding a way to get enough nutrition on a budget and usually avoiding trigger foods for allergies or symptoms is an almost insurmountable task.
Anyway, onto a couple of budget and energy friendly recipe ideas that hopefully feels like an indulgence. Everyone deserves to feel a little fancy after all.
Poached fish and new potatoes -
This was one of my favourite things to cook for my mum, when we were younger she would buy those awful 'cod in parsley sauce' frozen bags that you boiled in water because she thought they were cheaper. In reality, they're much more expensive than buying frozen fish fillets and poaching them yourself!
For this recipe you simply need frozen white fish fillets, you can buy cod or haddock but, I find the 'white fish' to be just a tasty and much cheaper as long as you don't mind which fish you're eating. White fish is essentially a blanket term for any white meat fish such as cod, polluck, whiting or hake and allows the manufacturer to choose whichever fish is cheapest at the time.
Boil whole baby, new or pearl potatoes in a pan of salted water until a fork will stab through them with little resistance, when cooked add a small knob of butter to the pan. I like to add dried chives but that's just my personal preference.
If you only have large potatoes you can serve this fish with potatoes cooked in basically any way, mashed, fried, roasted...
Poach the fish fillets, still frozen, in milk. Just enough milk to not quite cover the fish is all you need, cover the pan for around five minutes until the fish is flaky.
Remove the fish from the pan and decide how much effort you want to put into the sauce.
Minimal effort is to now add a parsley sauce sachet and whisk.
More effort is to make a roux with butter and flour, add milk then parsley and simmer for 10minutes.
Return the fish to the finished sauce, spoon some sauce over the top and serve up with the potatoes and any veg you fancy.
Done.
Belly pork-
Belly pork is the king of cheap meats, it does need some love when cooking so you're not just chewing fat but I LOVE it and find it so versatile. Often replacing chicken or pork steak in our kitchen! Some of our favourites are to use a 'chinese' marinade and grill it until almost burnt, or to fry it up in chunks with soy sauce and noodles.
For this recipe a sheet of pork belly works the best but if you can only find strips then you can absolutely use those too.
Dry the skin with kitchen roll then rub generously all over with salt and pepper. You can add sage and thyme to this rub if you have it. Roast this for 25 minutes on 250'c then turn the oven right down to 180'c for 1hour.
Chuck roughly chopped apples and onions into the bottom of a clean roasting dish - this could be the one you use before with the juices emptied out, throw in some sage and pile up into a little mound that you can fit your pork on top of. Pop back into the oven for another hour to make sure that pork is beautifully tender inside and gloriously crispy on top.
Serve on it's own with gravy though it also goes great with dauphinoise potatoes or a creamy mash.
Also a quick heads up...soak belly pork in a mixture of the flavour sachet from a super noodle packet and water for a few hours then either slow roast and slice or thinly slice and dry fry before tossing into the noodles cooked with extra water for an upgraded supernoodle/ramen thing-a-majig.
One of the ways I stock up without breaking the bank is to use a site called Approved Food that sells out of date or short dated foods for very cheap. The food is absolutely safe to eat and most of it will stay fine for a long time, such as dried pasta or flavouring sachets - both of which make a big difference when things get tight. Pasta is a wonderfully versatile staple, great for whole meals or even bulking out other ingredients and the flavouring/sauce sachets can make even the cheapest, blandest food something much more appetising.
Most of the recipes I post here are low budget, as part of the chronic illness community I know that money is always short. Being chronically sick or disabled is EXPENSIVE, coupled with the fact that working in a way that provides enough of a income to live from is incredibly difficult and benefits don't bring in much, this means that finding a way to get enough nutrition on a budget and usually avoiding trigger foods for allergies or symptoms is an almost insurmountable task.
Anyway, onto a couple of budget and energy friendly recipe ideas that hopefully feels like an indulgence. Everyone deserves to feel a little fancy after all.
Poached fish and new potatoes -
This was one of my favourite things to cook for my mum, when we were younger she would buy those awful 'cod in parsley sauce' frozen bags that you boiled in water because she thought they were cheaper. In reality, they're much more expensive than buying frozen fish fillets and poaching them yourself!
For this recipe you simply need frozen white fish fillets, you can buy cod or haddock but, I find the 'white fish' to be just a tasty and much cheaper as long as you don't mind which fish you're eating. White fish is essentially a blanket term for any white meat fish such as cod, polluck, whiting or hake and allows the manufacturer to choose whichever fish is cheapest at the time.
Boil whole baby, new or pearl potatoes in a pan of salted water until a fork will stab through them with little resistance, when cooked add a small knob of butter to the pan. I like to add dried chives but that's just my personal preference.
If you only have large potatoes you can serve this fish with potatoes cooked in basically any way, mashed, fried, roasted...
Poach the fish fillets, still frozen, in milk. Just enough milk to not quite cover the fish is all you need, cover the pan for around five minutes until the fish is flaky.
Remove the fish from the pan and decide how much effort you want to put into the sauce.
Minimal effort is to now add a parsley sauce sachet and whisk.
More effort is to make a roux with butter and flour, add milk then parsley and simmer for 10minutes.
Return the fish to the finished sauce, spoon some sauce over the top and serve up with the potatoes and any veg you fancy.
Done.
Belly pork-
Belly pork is the king of cheap meats, it does need some love when cooking so you're not just chewing fat but I LOVE it and find it so versatile. Often replacing chicken or pork steak in our kitchen! Some of our favourites are to use a 'chinese' marinade and grill it until almost burnt, or to fry it up in chunks with soy sauce and noodles.
For this recipe a sheet of pork belly works the best but if you can only find strips then you can absolutely use those too.
Dry the skin with kitchen roll then rub generously all over with salt and pepper. You can add sage and thyme to this rub if you have it. Roast this for 25 minutes on 250'c then turn the oven right down to 180'c for 1hour.
Chuck roughly chopped apples and onions into the bottom of a clean roasting dish - this could be the one you use before with the juices emptied out, throw in some sage and pile up into a little mound that you can fit your pork on top of. Pop back into the oven for another hour to make sure that pork is beautifully tender inside and gloriously crispy on top.
Serve on it's own with gravy though it also goes great with dauphinoise potatoes or a creamy mash.
Also a quick heads up...soak belly pork in a mixture of the flavour sachet from a super noodle packet and water for a few hours then either slow roast and slice or thinly slice and dry fry before tossing into the noodles cooked with extra water for an upgraded supernoodle/ramen thing-a-majig.
Eat well, give back
This post is inspired by the LDS church's #lighttheworld campaign, December 7th's prompt is too feed people. One of the suggestions is to eat at a restaurant that gives away surplus food and I realised that I didn't know of any! It has to be one of the easiest of the suggestions to follow, just change your dinner plans a little and job done! I know that not everyone can just pop out to a restaurant for dinner and there are plenty of other suggestions for differing budgets such as donating food to a hostel, sharing a low cost recipe or praying for those who are hungry.
Another option is to use an app such as 'Too good to go' which enables restaurants to list surplus food to sell at below £5, but they tend to be around £2 a portion. You could buy some of these portions and then hand them out to those you see in need or even deliver them to a family who's budget doesn't include dinners out, it's fancy restaurant food for them without breaking the bank for you too.
So here's a vague list of the ones I did find in a ten minute google search that had information on their websites about giving away food, I can't comment on their actual practices or how valid their statements are so it's up to you to make a judgement call on who you feel is the best choice.
Another option is to use an app such as 'Too good to go' which enables restaurants to list surplus food to sell at below £5, but they tend to be around £2 a portion. You could buy some of these portions and then hand them out to those you see in need or even deliver them to a family who's budget doesn't include dinners out, it's fancy restaurant food for them without breaking the bank for you too.
So here's a vague list of the ones I did find in a ten minute google search that had information on their websites about giving away food, I can't comment on their actual practices or how valid their statements are so it's up to you to make a judgement call on who you feel is the best choice.
- Nandos UK
- Deliveroo UK
- KFC UK
- McDonald's
- Darden Restaurants including: Olive Garden; Longhorn Steakhouse; The Capital Grille; Bahama Breeze; Seasons 52; Eddie V's and Yard House.
- BaxterStorey UK
- Camino UK
- ED's diner
- Fourth
- Carluccio's UK
- CAU
- Harden's
- Jus' Rol
- Pho
- CGA peach
- Champagne Taittinger
- Shake Shack
- Cinammon Cultrue
- CocoFina
- Innocent
Tuesday, 29 November 2016
It's been a year...
It's been a year. Over a year since I picked up a Book of Mormon for the very first time, over a year since I spoke to my first Sister Missionaries, almost a year since I stepped in the Baptismal font.
It's been a year and I have only now realised that I never told you how it happened, most people know... in fact it's sort of a famous story in our little circle, but you, my little blog family don't know anything at all.
Let's backtrack to 19:12 Friday 13th February 2015.
I was 22 and like all 22year olds I turned to social media to vent my frustration, expecting no reply at all and simply wishing to get my #1stworldproblem out there into the ether. The problem was that for some completely unknown reason I had bought a Young Adult Vampire book on my Kobo e-reader, which is odd because I actively avoid Vampire stories in general as it's just not my genre, however I became hooked on this story and was annoyed that the sequel wasn't for sale on the platform but the 3rd book was. Except, I did get a reply, the author promptly apologised and offered me an audiobook copy of the 2nd book which had just been released.
Datestamp on these screenshots are in EST as that's where I currently am, it was actually 7pm GMT
I'd never listened to an audiobook before as an adult so I was dubious that it would work for me, my chronic illnesses were flaring pretty badly at the time though so while I couldn't sleep I began to listen. I was absorbed into this magical world by a soothing British voice, which it turns out isn't British at all...but that's another story.
By March the author, Cheri, and I had been messaging on twitter about all sorts of things almost daily so we decided to move our chats to Facebook where the messages weren't as restricted in size.
Fast forward a little to 01:25 Thursday 23rd July 2015.
We'd now been talking pretty much daily with topics ranging from book tastes and food preferences to personal trauma and the state of the world. We had much more in common than two people from different countries, of different ages and in different circumstances would be expected to have, certainly more than I expected us to have. I didn't send that tweet out in the world expecting to gain a best friend, a sister, a family. At some point Cheri's religion must have been mentioned but the subject had been changed to me telling her about a scene in one of her books that I had read that day on the journey to work which resulted in me trying so hard not to laugh aloud that I cried. My curiosity peaked though so I was brave, or nosy (you decide), and asked her what exactly her religion was. I had an inkling but one can never make assumptions these days, it turns out that my inkling was correct and we began discussing The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or as it's more commonly know The Mormon Church.
Date stamp on these screenshots show EST as that's where I currently am but it was actually 1am GMT
I has actually studied the restoration of the church as part of my GCSE History Settling of The American West topic (I know I said Alevel in the messages, I made a mistake. Also forgive my spelling mistakes, I was on a lot of strong painkillers.) So I knew a little of their beliefs and we were able to jump into conversation about the differences between what I had learnt and the truth. Months then passed with us continuing our usual chatter about anything and everything, becoming closer friends with Cheri unknowingly being that shining light of influence Mormon's know so well.
01:25 Friday 16th October 2015
I downloaded the Gospel Library app and began reading The Book of Mormon for the very first time. I skipped the introduction and dove straight in 1Nephi and his goodly parents. I also ordered a paper copy online to be delivered to me, which didn't arrive before I moved house. I'm told most people read first and then pray to know the truth, to my mind it made much more sense to pray before I read and to ask for a sign that would tell me if what I was reading was true. I already had a personal relationship with God, I trusted Him to show me whether or not this was the right path for me but I'll admit to opening the first page fully expecting to object to everything inside. I didn't believe it was true, in fact I almost wanted to believe it wasn't true which is an entirely different kettle of fish.
By 02:40 I was annoyed with Laman and Lemuel, asking Cheri odd questions about sacrificing animals and trying to process why on earth my heart was so happy.
Again the time stamp on these screenshots is EST, it was around 2am GMT
Have you ever reread a story you used to love as a child? You can remember it a little and it makes you feel so safe and loved, but it's been so long that it's still a new story to you. You have to learn it all over again while it's still familiar to you. That's how I felt. There was no denying it, I knew that The Book of Mormon was true, in my mind it didn't much matter what else the church practised because as long as I was following this book I couldn't go wrong.
Later Cheri tried to find the missionaries in my area, but they proved impossible to find. We had both tried to contact the local branch and had only drawn blanks there too, so she kindly offered her own Sister Missionaries via Facebook. Sister Bre Palmer and Sister Kaylie O'Donnal began answering my questions in videos and messages, they taught me the basic lessons and are still there when I need some missionary support at 2am.
14:00 Monday 9th November 2015
I moved into my new house where a Book of Mormon in hot pink bubble wrap was waiting for me, Cheri had managed to find a Stake service project on Facebook who had put her in contact with someone who had then contacted the Bishop for that ward. The Bishop had then contacted the Missionaries and within 2 days they were knocking on my front door, that first meeting was a little crazy. I had already come so far without them that they were thrown off their usual schedule, yet they came prepared with a Baptism date in mind just a few weeks away.
13:30 Sunday 13th December 2015
My baptism. The girl who was terrified of water; who had only met missionaries face to face a few weeks ago; who was joining a church her family couldn't even spell; who had daily nightmares about drowning in the font; who the adversary had done a great job at hurting recently; was baptised. The weeks running up to my baptism were so of the most difficult times of my life, secrets erupted that shook my world and my heart was broken more than once. The adversary saw where my flaws were, and he dug in deep.
Cheri was able to fly in a few days before hand to be there for my baptism and my husband Kane was home on leave from the Royal Navy too, the Elders were able to video call the Sister Missionaries and Cheri's family in America so everyone I needed was right there.
It was actually around 1pm GMT, again the time stamp is showing EST.
It's been a year. Since then a lot has happened, I've met those wonderful Sister Missionaries a few times and was even baptised by proxy for my late mother with Sister Palmer, Sister O'Donnal and their current companions present. Of course, Cheri was by my side that time too, in fact I'm sat in her living room right now laughing at Studio C skits on Youtube. I've given a few talks in sacrament, performed baptisms for the dead and had many spiritual experiences. I was called to be Young Women's secretary which is a calling I absolutely love and have a wonderful ward family in Hamble River. Those of you outside of the church might not see the significance of the end of the first year, so just trust me that it's important and I can't wait.
It's been a year. Almost two years since I met the silly fish who would become my best friend; over a year since my heart was reminded of a truth it once knew; nearly a year since I made my very first true covenant with Heavenly Father
...and what a year it's been.
- It's been a year since I first wrote this. I am no longer called to YWs, it was a wonderful first calling and I'll forever be grateful for the lessons those young ladies taught me. I got home from Cheri's house a month ago, whilst staying with her I took my endowments for the first time, completed all of the Temple Work available for my mother and great grandmother along with countless trips for non-family names. The sister missionaries who intially taught me came through the Temple with me for my own endowment too, it seemed fitting to have them there and they were over the moon. I'm still thankful, everyday, for the way things happened 3 years ago.
It's been a year and I have only now realised that I never told you how it happened, most people know... in fact it's sort of a famous story in our little circle, but you, my little blog family don't know anything at all.
Let's backtrack to 19:12 Friday 13th February 2015.
I was 22 and like all 22year olds I turned to social media to vent my frustration, expecting no reply at all and simply wishing to get my #1stworldproblem out there into the ether. The problem was that for some completely unknown reason I had bought a Young Adult Vampire book on my Kobo e-reader, which is odd because I actively avoid Vampire stories in general as it's just not my genre, however I became hooked on this story and was annoyed that the sequel wasn't for sale on the platform but the 3rd book was. Except, I did get a reply, the author promptly apologised and offered me an audiobook copy of the 2nd book which had just been released.
I'd never listened to an audiobook before as an adult so I was dubious that it would work for me, my chronic illnesses were flaring pretty badly at the time though so while I couldn't sleep I began to listen. I was absorbed into this magical world by a soothing British voice, which it turns out isn't British at all...but that's another story.
By March the author, Cheri, and I had been messaging on twitter about all sorts of things almost daily so we decided to move our chats to Facebook where the messages weren't as restricted in size.
Fast forward a little to 01:25 Thursday 23rd July 2015.
We'd now been talking pretty much daily with topics ranging from book tastes and food preferences to personal trauma and the state of the world. We had much more in common than two people from different countries, of different ages and in different circumstances would be expected to have, certainly more than I expected us to have. I didn't send that tweet out in the world expecting to gain a best friend, a sister, a family. At some point Cheri's religion must have been mentioned but the subject had been changed to me telling her about a scene in one of her books that I had read that day on the journey to work which resulted in me trying so hard not to laugh aloud that I cried. My curiosity peaked though so I was brave, or nosy (you decide), and asked her what exactly her religion was. I had an inkling but one can never make assumptions these days, it turns out that my inkling was correct and we began discussing The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or as it's more commonly know The Mormon Church.
I has actually studied the restoration of the church as part of my GCSE History Settling of The American West topic (I know I said Alevel in the messages, I made a mistake. Also forgive my spelling mistakes, I was on a lot of strong painkillers.) So I knew a little of their beliefs and we were able to jump into conversation about the differences between what I had learnt and the truth. Months then passed with us continuing our usual chatter about anything and everything, becoming closer friends with Cheri unknowingly being that shining light of influence Mormon's know so well.
01:25 Friday 16th October 2015
I downloaded the Gospel Library app and began reading The Book of Mormon for the very first time. I skipped the introduction and dove straight in 1Nephi and his goodly parents. I also ordered a paper copy online to be delivered to me, which didn't arrive before I moved house. I'm told most people read first and then pray to know the truth, to my mind it made much more sense to pray before I read and to ask for a sign that would tell me if what I was reading was true. I already had a personal relationship with God, I trusted Him to show me whether or not this was the right path for me but I'll admit to opening the first page fully expecting to object to everything inside. I didn't believe it was true, in fact I almost wanted to believe it wasn't true which is an entirely different kettle of fish.
By 02:40 I was annoyed with Laman and Lemuel, asking Cheri odd questions about sacrificing animals and trying to process why on earth my heart was so happy.
Have you ever reread a story you used to love as a child? You can remember it a little and it makes you feel so safe and loved, but it's been so long that it's still a new story to you. You have to learn it all over again while it's still familiar to you. That's how I felt. There was no denying it, I knew that The Book of Mormon was true, in my mind it didn't much matter what else the church practised because as long as I was following this book I couldn't go wrong.
Later Cheri tried to find the missionaries in my area, but they proved impossible to find. We had both tried to contact the local branch and had only drawn blanks there too, so she kindly offered her own Sister Missionaries via Facebook. Sister Bre Palmer and Sister Kaylie O'Donnal began answering my questions in videos and messages, they taught me the basic lessons and are still there when I need some missionary support at 2am.
14:00 Monday 9th November 2015
I moved into my new house where a Book of Mormon in hot pink bubble wrap was waiting for me, Cheri had managed to find a Stake service project on Facebook who had put her in contact with someone who had then contacted the Bishop for that ward. The Bishop had then contacted the Missionaries and within 2 days they were knocking on my front door, that first meeting was a little crazy. I had already come so far without them that they were thrown off their usual schedule, yet they came prepared with a Baptism date in mind just a few weeks away.
13:30 Sunday 13th December 2015
My baptism. The girl who was terrified of water; who had only met missionaries face to face a few weeks ago; who was joining a church her family couldn't even spell; who had daily nightmares about drowning in the font; who the adversary had done a great job at hurting recently; was baptised. The weeks running up to my baptism were so of the most difficult times of my life, secrets erupted that shook my world and my heart was broken more than once. The adversary saw where my flaws were, and he dug in deep.
Cheri was able to fly in a few days before hand to be there for my baptism and my husband Kane was home on leave from the Royal Navy too, the Elders were able to video call the Sister Missionaries and Cheri's family in America so everyone I needed was right there.
It was actually around 1pm GMT, again the time stamp is showing EST.
It's been a year. Since then a lot has happened, I've met those wonderful Sister Missionaries a few times and was even baptised by proxy for my late mother with Sister Palmer, Sister O'Donnal and their current companions present. Of course, Cheri was by my side that time too, in fact I'm sat in her living room right now laughing at Studio C skits on Youtube. I've given a few talks in sacrament, performed baptisms for the dead and had many spiritual experiences. I was called to be Young Women's secretary which is a calling I absolutely love and have a wonderful ward family in Hamble River. Those of you outside of the church might not see the significance of the end of the first year, so just trust me that it's important and I can't wait.
It's been a year. Almost two years since I met the silly fish who would become my best friend; over a year since my heart was reminded of a truth it once knew; nearly a year since I made my very first true covenant with Heavenly Father
...and what a year it's been.
- It's been a year since I first wrote this. I am no longer called to YWs, it was a wonderful first calling and I'll forever be grateful for the lessons those young ladies taught me. I got home from Cheri's house a month ago, whilst staying with her I took my endowments for the first time, completed all of the Temple Work available for my mother and great grandmother along with countless trips for non-family names. The sister missionaries who intially taught me came through the Temple with me for my own endowment too, it seemed fitting to have them there and they were over the moon. I'm still thankful, everyday, for the way things happened 3 years ago.
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