Satan comes for me on Saturdays.

Satan gets at me on Saturday. 
Around mid-afternoon I will get a text or a notification that will remind me that it's Saturday which means church is tomorrow. It's not that I forget, it's more that it isn't necessarily on my mind as I walk along the beach or look for photo frames in overcrowded shops. Anyway, every week this happens, sometimes it's to remind me to bring something for YWs or to ask if I need a ride and other times it's our RS president posting an uplifting quote on our Facebook page - it doesn't matter what it is really because that little reminder starts a game with Satan that I'm not sure I always win. 
One of the first things that will come up is that I'm too tired. Sometimes I genuinely am too ill or tired to make it to church but there's plenty of times when I'm actually not. Of course, I'm always tired thanks to my health problems but I'm rarely too tired to sit down for three hours, ya know? The adversary will tell me I am, it will whisper that I don't have the energy and that the little energy I do have would be better used somewhere else. It will tell me to stay in bed, have a lie in because I woke up early today or because I didn't sleep well Friday night. It's so easy to agree, who doesn't relish the idea of a lovely warm lie in with breakfast in bed and a leisurely shower? None of that would actually happen but Satan tells me that this time it will if I just stay in bed instead. Thrown in with this one is the thought that I'm too sick, I'm too unhealthy and ill to possibly go, I should just lay in my bed like a Victorian lady with a touch of the vapours all day. This one doesn't get me as much, it's been around for too long for me to listen much anymore. 
Next up will be the murmurs of my inequity. These ones are easy bait, it's not hard to make me feel unworthy or inferior and the adversary knows that. He'll tell me that I'm not good enough to be there, I don't deserve the atonement or the blessings because I messed up too much and didn't read my scriptures enough. That nobody really likes me and I'm just a burden on them, that it's easier for them to not have me there at all. It's a similar feeling to not wanting to go to school when you haven't done your homework and you just know the teacher is going to ask you about it in front of everyone and you're not going to know the answer. Like I said, this ones easy for the adversary and it's probably the most prevalent part of this Saturday game. 
Later that afternoon will come the urge to text ahead to say I'm not coming, to make up some reason as to why I can't be there. I've never given in to lying but I'm sure I've exaggerated just how ill I feel once or twice because it's even easier for the adversary to keep you away from church when you're already feeling rough. Hey, I admitted that I don't always win. My absences have been minimal in reality, and 90% of those have been for totally legitimate health or travel reasons. 
By the evening time I'm well and truly stressed out from the inner turmoil between wanting to be there and feeling like I can't. Having two anxiety disorders makes this harder too, panic attacks aren't uncommon at this stage thanks to the PAD and I'm usually ready to quit the whole thing and hide in a hole. My anxiety makes it hard for me to go out at all, especially with people, especially with the chance of meeting strangers, especially to a place (a destination as opposed to just being out walking around town), especially when I'm unable to leave at anytime, especially when I can't sit comfortably to regulate pain, especially when I don't feel in control or knowledgeable... can you see why church can be so hard sometimes? 
I've gone off track here, as I was saying- by the evening I'm ready to cancel but I try to convince myself that I'm in control by planning. I plan what I need to take, what bag  I need and what to have for breakfast. Then comes the dreaded moment of choosing an outfit. And Satan's back in full force. I'm not a dress or skirt kind of girl, I'm a jeans and check shirt, converse and a hoody type of girl. Leather boots and leggings at a push, but not a dress. And not a dress that could be described as 'Sunday best' so even though I try to shop for church dresses I'm usually erring on the casual side due to my personal (lack of) style and my need for comfortable clothing. Somehow, there are a lot of LDS ladies that have this ability to dress themselves immaculately with their groomed horde of children, while their husband left three hours ago for meetings. It's intimidating beyond belief, I know that's an exaggeration but that's how it feels most days- I'm just not ladylike enough. So there comes Satan telling me that I'm not pretty enough, I look terrible and everyone is judging me and I believe it. Hook, line and sinker I fall because I already feel so fragile that a feather could know me down. I nearly always cry on either Saturday night or Sunday morning because I'm convinced that I look awful, absolutely and disgustingly awful which is why I often wear make-up to church, even though I'm not huge on that either, as a way to hide the red eyes and feel a little more put together. 
Satan comes for me on Saturday nights and tells me that I'm not good enough. He tells me to give up because I'm going to fail anyway and I don't always manage to win the fight. But I try, I chose my outfit even though it makes me cry. I plan my lesson and prepare my bag. I set my alarm and arrange my ride. I say a teary 'why is this so hard!' prayer and I try to sleep while my stomach churns with anxiety. 
I try because I know that's what counts. The trying is why we're here, oh how easy it would be to have a perfect knowledge and no fear of falling, but oh how sad it would be to know that I forfeited the eternal rewards. Remember that Satan wanted us to have no free will, to live a life free of failing, but also free of success and beauty. So I keep trying and while I try I remember that Jesus died for this very reason- he died so I could try. I can never repay the debt he cleared for me but by trying my hardest to win the battle with Satan I can show my gratitude. 
It's 11:45 Saturday night, I've been through all of this today and more. I'm teaching tomorrow and can't be at church next week as I'll be away so Satan worked a little harder, I don't have an outfit picked so I'll probably cry about that in the morning and I've already considered wiping my whole lesson plan and starting over at least twice. 
Satan came for me tonight and I'm not sure if I'm winning, but I'm sure as heck going to try. 
(As it's now midnight I haven't edited this. I'm sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes) 

Free ASK youth theme printables

It's new beginnings time for the YW and we're going with a 'seeking adventure' sort of theme for our version of the ASK theme provided by the church. Anyway, spent an hour or so making up our invitations so I figured I'd add them to pinterest for free, feel free to change and butcher them however you like. If you want the editable googledrawing file to change text or colours then drop me an email at leanneglentworth@gmail.com or just pop a white text box over our date and add yours. These are roughly the size of chocolate bar wrapper (can you guess what we're doing with them?), they fit four to a sheet of A4 portrait.

Affirmations, inspiration and motivation.

There are a million of these stories out there, some have made the writer famous while most have been read by friends and family only to be forgotten a day or two later. I hope that none of them have gone unread. 
Even though there are millions of these stories out there I still want to tell you mine. Because mine is different, no it's not particularly special or amazing, it's simply mine and that's what makes it different. 
Just to add a disclaimer, I love all of the things I'm about to mention. I'm not 'hating' on them or the people who make and love them. I'm one of you, I'm just using them as a vessel to make a point. 

Recently we've all become slightly obsessed with inspirational things, have you noticed? There are calendars, books and videos. There's clothing and gadgets and who even knows what else all designed with the sole intention of inspiring us to be happy. They go by affirmations, inspirations and motivations and have spread through the internet like wildfire even seeping into non-cyber shopping and media. It's a worthwhile cause, like I said I pretty much love them. But, this part gets me a little...uncomfortable, this idea of being happy has become a business. Happiness is commercial now, telling someone how to be happy is basically a solid business plan now and that just doesn't sit too well with me. I don't mind people making money on things they've worked hard on, or are passionate about or whatever. I get that money is pretty important if you want to live nowadays, it's just all a bit much for my tastes. 
Now, you probably already know that I have clinical depression, that doesn't mean that I'm 'sad' or 'down' or upset because I ran out of ice cream, it actually means that there is a chemical imbalance in my brain that's probably always been there and probably always will be. Some days it's more imbalanced than others and sometimes that imbalance can last a while. To get back to my point, when I have been in the darkest pits of depression no amount of platitudes have helped significantly me. I have not looked at a photo of a cat telling me that 'you got this' and suddenly jumped back up to normal life. It just doesn't happen. Sure, it's cute and I love seeing them to make me smile for a moment and I do remember particular ones that touched me but they didn't fix anything or impact upon my life in a significant way. 
(Did you know that getting sidetracked like this, losing focus and evading something is a symptom of depression...) 
If you don't have depression and simply find yourself thinking that everything is dark and mean sometimes then this advice absolutely goes for you too, so listen up. 
So, what's my secret? How do I crawl out of that hole? Well, I'm not sure I do, I feel like I get about halfway out most of the time and that's fine by me. How do I get to even halfway when the light is so dim and the world so numbingly grey? 
I look at the trees; I look at my dog; I looks at pizza and lactose free chocolate milk; I listen to angsty teenage songs and piano concertos; I read trashy celebrity news and literary fiction; I just take in the world around me and remember one vital thing. This world, this universe, this life and eternity where made just for me. Just as they're made just for you. If you were the only living thing in all of creation, the world would be just as wonderous. Pizza would still taste so good, puppies would still have waggly tails and the stars would still burn brightly. Because, the creator of all of this stuff is desperate for me to be happy and that doesn't cost a penny. 
If you need an inspirational book or two to get your day going I have some you can borrow, in fact I'll give you your very own, it's one of the oldest records of this world and has one central theme. There is so much hope. 
So why has this basic principle become big business? In short, the world is a scary place full of expectations and blame. We all need cheering up once in a while, some of us need a little more when that black dog of depression comes round for a party, so the self-same world as that ones who made us feel bad are also the ones making us feel good. Do you see how that is a great business plan? Have some one pay you to make them unhappy, then have them pay you to make them happy again. 
I'm categorically not saying that faith or religion will cure mental illness. Let me say that again, faith and religion will not cure mental illness. Don't come running after me with a lynch mob, okay? 
I'm also not claiming that my faith has fixed my depression, it's still there and probably always will be. My faith enables me to remember that there is more than the nothingness when it seems like there isn't. When I found my connection to Heavenly Father and the Saviour I was in one of the darkest places I've ever been, I couldn't see a way out or even a reason why I would want there to be a way out. I was almost content in my misery, the world was grey and I was way too tired to care. Knowing that there is more than this life and realising that I had someone who love me so immensely that he created a universe for me gave me so much hope that my grey fog seemed just a little thinner than usual. 
Did you catch my drift? You don't need all of these ...things... to be happy, you can like them and make them and do whatever but they're not necessary. 
I need to turn on your selfie-mode camera, or go and find a mirror for a second okay? 
The greatest reason to be happy to ever be in existence is right in front of you. It's under your feet and in your fridge; it's holding your hand and blasting out of your headphones. And it's absolutely free. 

Eat well, give back

This post is inspired by the LDS church's #lighttheworld campaign, December 7th's prompt is too feed people. One of the suggestions is to eat at a restaurant that gives away surplus food and I realised that I didn't know of any! It has to be one of the easiest of the suggestions to follow, just change your dinner plans a little and job done! I know that not everyone can just pop out to a restaurant for dinner and there are plenty of other suggestions for differing budgets such as donating food to a hostel, sharing a low cost recipe or praying for those who are hungry.
Another option is to use an app such as 'Too good to go' which enables restaurants to list surplus food to sell at below £5, but they tend to be around £2 a portion. You could buy some of these portions and then hand them out to those you see in need or even deliver them to a family who's budget doesn't include dinners out, it's fancy restaurant food for them without breaking the bank for you too.

So here's a vague list of the ones I did find in a ten minute google search that had information on their websites about giving away food, I can't comment on their actual practices or how valid their statements are so it's up to you to make a judgement call on who you feel is the best choice.

• Nandos UK 
• Deliveroo UK
• KFC UK
• McDonald's
• Darden Restaurants including: Olive Garden; Longhorn Steakhouse; The Capital Grille; Bahama Breeze; Seasons 52; Eddie V's and Yard House. 
• BaxterStorey UK
• Camino UK
• ED's diner
• Fourth
• Carluccio's UK
• CAU
• Harden's
• Jus' Rol
• Pho
• CGA peach
• Champagne Taittinger
• Shake Shack
• Cinammon Cultrue
• CocoFina
• Innocent 

It's been a year...

It's been a year. Over a year since I picked up a Book of Mormon for the very first time, over a year since I spoke to my first Sister Missionaries, almost a year since I stepped in the Baptismal font. 

It's been a year and I have only now realised that I never told you how it happened, most people know... in fact it's sort of a famous story in our little circle, but you, my little blog family don't know anything at all. 

Let's backtrack to 19:12 Friday 13th February 2015.
 I was 22 and like all 22year olds I turned to social media to vent my frustration, expecting no reply at all and simply wishing to get my #1stworldproblem out there into the ether. The problem was that for some completely unknown reason I had bought a Young Adult Vampire book on my Kobo e-reader, which is odd because I actively avoid Vampire stories in general as it's just not my genre, however I became hooked on this story and was annoyed that the sequel wasn't for sale on the platform but the 3rd book was. Except, I did get a reply, the author promptly apologised and offered me an audiobook copy of the 2nd book which had just been released. 

Datestamp on these screenshots are in EST as that's where I currently am, it was actually 7pm GMT
I'd never listened to an audiobook before as an adult so I was dubious that it would work for me, my chronic illnesses were flaring pretty badly at the time though so while I couldn't sleep I began to listen. I was absorbed into this magical world by a soothing British voice, which it turns out isn't British at all...but that's another story.
By March the author, Cheri, and I had been messaging on twitter about all sorts of things almost daily so we decided to move our chats to Facebook where the messages weren't as restricted in size. 

Fast forward a little to 01:25 Thursday 23rd July 2015.
We'd now been talking pretty much daily with topics ranging from book tastes and food preferences to personal trauma and the state of the world. We had much more in common than two people from different countries, of different ages and in different circumstances would be expected to have, certainly more than I expected us to have. I didn't send that tweet out in the world expecting to gain a best friend, a sister, a family. At some point Cheri's religion must have been mentioned but the subject had been changed to me telling her about a scene in one of her books that I had read that day on the journey to work which resulted in me trying so hard not to laugh aloud that I cried. My curiosity peaked though so I was brave, or nosy (you decide), and asked her what exactly her religion was. I had an inkling but one can never make assumptions these days, it turns out that my inkling was correct and we began discussing The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or as it's more commonly know The Mormon Church. 

Date stamp on these screenshots show EST as that's where I currently am but it was actually 1am GMT
I has actually studied the restoration of the church as part of my GCSE History Settling of The American West topic (I know I said Alevel in the messages, I made a mistake. Also forgive my spelling mistakes, I was on a lot of strong painkillers.) So I knew a little of their beliefs and we were able to jump into conversation about the differences between what I had learnt and the truth. Months then passed with us continuing our usual chatter about anything and everything, becoming closer friends with Cheri unknowingly being that shining light of influence Mormon's know so well.

01:25 Friday 16th October 2015
I downloaded the Gospel Library app and began reading The Book of Mormon for the very first time. I skipped the introduction and dove straight in 1Nephi and his goodly parents. I also ordered a paper copy online to be delivered to me, which didn't arrive before I moved house. I'm told most people read first and then pray to know the truth, to my mind it made much more sense to pray before I read and to ask for a sign that would tell me if what I was reading was true. I already had a personal relationship with God, I trusted Him to show me whether or not this was the right path for me but I'll admit to opening the first page fully expecting to object to everything inside. I didn't believe it was true, in fact I almost wanted to believe it wasn't true which is an entirely different kettle of fish.

By 02:40 I was annoyed with Laman and Lemuel, asking Cheri odd questions about sacrificing animals and trying to process why on earth my heart was so happy. 

Again the time stamp on these screenshots is EST, it was around 2am GMT
Have you ever reread a story you used to love as a child? You can remember it a little and it makes you feel so safe and loved, but it's been so long that it's still a new story to you. You have to learn it all over again while it's still familiar to you. That's how I felt. There was no denying it, I knew that The Book of Mormon was true, in my mind it didn't much matter what else the church practised because as long as I was following this book I couldn't go wrong. 
Later Cheri tried to find the missionaries in my area, but they proved impossible to find. We had both tried to contact the local branch and had only drawn blanks there too, so she kindly offered her own Sister Missionaries via Facebook. Sister Bre Palmer and Sister Kaylie O'Donnal began answering my questions in videos and messages, they taught me the basic lessons and are still there when I need some missionary support at 2am.

14:00 Monday 9th November 2015
I moved into my new house where a Book of Mormon in hot pink bubble wrap was waiting for me, Cheri had managed to find a Stake service project on Facebook who had put her in contact with someone who had then contacted the Bishop for that ward. The Bishop had then contacted the Missionaries and within 2 days they were knocking on my front door, that first meeting was a little crazy. I had already come so far without them that they were thrown off their usual schedule, yet they came prepared with a Baptism date in mind just a few weeks away.

13:30 Sunday 13th December 2015
My baptism. The girl who was terrified of water; who had only met missionaries face to face a few weeks ago; who was joining a church her family couldn't even spell; who had daily nightmares about drowning in the font; who the adversary had done a great job at hurting recently; was baptised. The weeks running up to my baptism were so of the most difficult times of my life, secrets erupted that shook my world and my heart was broken more than once. The adversary saw where my flaws were, and he dug in deep.
Cheri was able to fly in a few days before hand to be there for my baptism and my husband Kane was home on leave from the Royal Navy too, the Elders were able to video call the Sister Missionaries and Cheri's family in America so everyone I needed was right there. 

It was actually around 1pm GMT, again the time stamp is showing EST.
It's been a year. Since then a lot has happened, I've met those wonderful Sister Missionaries a few times and was even baptised by proxy for my late mother with Sister Palmer, Sister O'Donnal and their current companions present. Of course, Cheri was by my side that time too, in fact I'm sat in her living room right now laughing at Studio C skits on Youtube. I've given a few talks in sacrament, performed baptisms for the dead and had many spiritual experiences. I was called to be Young Women's secretary which is a calling I absolutely love and have a wonderful ward family in Hamble River. Those of you outside of the church might not see the significance of the end of the first year, so just trust me that it's important and I can't wait. 

It's been a year. Almost two years since I met the silly fish who would become my best friend; over a year since my heart was reminded of a truth it once knew; nearly a year since I made my very first true covenant with Heavenly Father

...and what a year it's been.

- It's been a year since I first wrote this. I am no longer called to YWs, it was a wonderful first calling and I'll forever be grateful for the lessons those young ladies taught me. I got home from Cheri's house a month ago, whilst staying with her I took my endowments for the first time, completed all of the Temple Work available for my mother and great grandmother along with countless trips for non-family names. The sister missionaries who intially taught me came through the Temple with me for my own endowment too, it seemed fitting to have them there and they were over the moon. I'm still thankful, everyday, for the way things happened 3 years ago. 

A year of fear not - wrap up 1

So it's Monday (day 20), it was a slow start so I've only now got around to writing an end of week wrap up with the selfish purpose of reaffirming and reminding myself of what I should have taken in this week.
Day 11 - Exodus 14:13, 
This is...difficult, the principle for the day was to stand firm and wait for victory when surrounded by trouble. I'm not good at standing still, both literally and figuratively actually, and it's still hard to remember that God is on my side...that I'm not fighting alone. How weird is that? He's always been there, that hasn't changed but I'm also used to being self-reliant so when trouble comes knocking I look to myself to fix it, I guess it's not that I forget exactly - more that I just don't think about there being other options than fighting alone. A lesson I need to learn.
Day 12 - Exodus 20:20, 
I'm thankful for the other group members that day, I've never like the idea of 'God-fearing' because I always thought of it as being afraid of the Lord and that just doesn't sit well with me. However, the other members helped me see that maybe the word 'fear' in this sense doesn't mean 'to be scared, afraid' but could instead mean 'in awe of, respect' and that the proving part doesn't necessarily meant that God is testing your worth as such. This whole verse could really be telling us that we don't need to fear trials or challenges because we have the awesome power of the Lord on our side and if we respect that power we can make it through just fine.
Day 13 - Num 21:34, 
I'm not going to bluff you, this verse didn't speak to me at all and that's okay. There may not be a message for my situation right now, I may not be open to it or maybe it's just not for me...any of those are a-okay.
Day 14 - Deuteronomy 4:21,
Fear stops you from getting what you deserve. 
(I'm holding back further thoughts on this for now, maybe I'll tell you them someday)
Day 15 - Deuteronomy 3:2,
Fear comes from all over, from different places and situations, caused by different people and words, all are valid and all are conquerable. And each victory builds you, gives you another layer of armour to help you battle on so it's okay to start small. In fact, start tiny, start with the smallest fear you can think of and then keep building your armour with each victory.
Day 16 - Deuteronomy 3:22,
There is no fear when God takes control. 
There is no fear when God takes control.
There is no fear when God takes control.
Do you know what that requires? Allowing God to take control. Note to self - Allow God to take control.
Day 17 - Deut 20:3,
Hearts are fickle things, full of softness and passion. Now, that's not a bad thing at all, it's actually great and just how things should be but, sometimes it means that hearts tremble and quiver. They're not quite up to the job of guiding us all by their squishy-selves, and lucky for us they don't need to. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that hearts and strongest when they're full of love, we know how much more we can face when we have a loving partner beside us, how much more courageous we feel with our parents hand in ours. So imagine how strong our hearts can be with the love of our Heavenly Father?
Day 18 - Deut 31:6
This was my favourite of the week, not just because Google has an awesome selection of cute graphics for this verse though that is a factor, because of the message that smacks me in the face everytime I see it. Maybe that's not quite the right phrase, it's much more like a warm cuddle or a chocolate biscuit that's been perfectly dunked in milk. 
God will never abandon you. Not when you're weak, not when you're abandoning him, not when you're afraid, or prideful, or angry or desperate. 

Want to join us? -
https://www.facebook.com/groups/726418587508507/

Stop holding on and just be held.

Listen to this song for, just for 3minutes and 42 seconds stop what you're doing, listen and watch the video.

Ready? Okay, this song has been a favourite for a little while and sits firmly at the top of my Sunday morning playlist, but today in the middle of stake conference the chorus was playing loud and clear in my mind. It was as if someone was literally playing the music as a backing track to the talk that was being given. Now lately I've not been very good at listening and acting upon promptings but this time I'm determined to act upon this very clear message. I've been doing too much holding on, so much of my life is beyond my control so I have a tendency to grasp whatever I can control with both hands, that's not necessarily a bad trait and is an integral part of my personality. Anyone who knows me will completely agree that I am stubborn and controlling, sorry everyone. 
The problem comes when I take over the wheel. One of the speakers today told a story of a man he once knew called Mike, Mike was a long haul truck driver in America who drove back and forth across the country with a Book of Mormon in his pocket spreading the Gospel at every truck stop along the way. One day he was driving his truck in winter conditions, but he was an experienced driver so all should have been fine, business as usual. The truck hit black ice, there was nothing Mike could have done, and the truck immediately jack-knifed and began to skid at speed covering every lane of the road. It was a nightmarish situation, anyone coming down the road was also in danger and the chances of Mike surviving were slim, it was a truck drivers worst nightmare. Mike struggled to turn into the skid, he just couldn't get the truck to straighten out. He gave a quick, short but passionate prayer 'Heavenly Father, help me', a small voice told Mike to let go of the wheel. He couldn't, so again the voice told him ' trust me, let go of the wheel' yet Mike still couldn't fight his instincts to grip that wheel, again the voice said 'Mike, I love you, trust me and let go'. So he did, he dropped his hands to his sides and the truck straightened out. 
How many of us are gripping that steering wheel, refusing to let go because letting go is terrifying? I definitely am.
Later Mike was able to pull over and again prayed, so grateful of what had happened and again he was answered in that still, small voice. He was told that this arrangement wasn't working out, his Heavenly Father was not happy with being Mike's passenger, He wanted to be in the drivers seat to teach and show Mike how to become more like the Saviour. 
If we were spoken to that way, would we be able to let go? Could you move to the side and let the Lord lead your life? The thing is, we may not have been asked in the same way Mike was but I can almost guarantee that we have been asked. It was during this talk that the chorus of this song played in my mind:
'So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held'
It's at our lowest, when our trucks are skidding and our worlds are falling apart that we turn to Him for help, yet do we let ourselves be held? Do we stubbornly try to fit it in our our terms, in our way? Well it doesn't always have to be that way, we shouldn't try to control the way our Father in Heaven helps us, the atonement isn't on our terms after all. He didn't sacrifice his only begotten son for us to then try to make it fit our agenda, I'm sorry if that's news to you, that's not the way life works. It isn't our eternal plan, it's His and I especially could do with remembering that sometimes.
So I pledge to let go a little, to follow the promptings wherever they lead because I have faith that they will never lead me astray, I might not always get it right and I'm sure I will falter when those promptings come up against my awkward, stubborn, British personality but that doesn't give me any excuse to not try. Can you try?
'So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held' 
-Casting Crowns, Just be held. 
Video from YouTube (castingcrownsofficial)

Christ and the second law of thermodynamics

Have I lost you already? I promise this won't be as boring and tough as it sounds.
This was inspired by a talk given in a family presentation during sacrament meeting this morning so a big thank you to Brother Lomax. 
The second law of thermodynamics is sometimes referred to as Entropy, it's something you'll know about even if you can't name it. Think of an old abandoned house, nobody lives there and nobody causes it any harm yet it still crumbles and falls apart. Think of cheese that you left in the fridge before you went on holiday, no one has done anything to it yet its mouldy and rotten when you get home. So, that force, that strange thing that slowly and inevitably wears everything down is entropy, it destroys thing purely through time. Google (via the Boston University physics department) defines the second law of thermodynamics and entropy as 'The second law of thermodynamics can be stated in terms of entropy. If a reversible process occurs, there is no net change in entropy. In an irreversible process, entropy always increases, so the change in entropy is positive.'
Are you still with me? I know this doesn't make much sense in terms of the Gospel but I promise we're getting there. So let's take the first part of that explanation 'if a reversible process occurs, there is no net change in entropy' from this we can boil it down to mean that the only way for entropy to not increase is for there to be a reversible process. In the Gospel we have that reversible process, we have the healing power of the atonement. Mosiah 3:19 tells us that the natural man is an enemy of God, that we can't cast it off until we become a saint through the atonement. Now, if entropy is a natural process of the universe then it is also part of the natural man, simply put it's why we age, therefore entropy is an enemy of God. We know that the last thing Heavenly Father wants for us to waste away, to succumb to the natural man and allow ourselves to be worn down in earthly matters. Christ's atonement was to allow us to become more, to become greater than the natural man, this is our reversible process. What greater way to reverse the wearing down effects of the mortal life than to submit to your Heavenly Father and allow yourself a second chance. We will not waste away with this planet, the earth is dying - I think we all on some level agree with that. When we see starlight, what we're actually seeing is millennia old light from a dying star, do we wish to fade out completely and be forgotten like an old light bulb or do we wish for our mortal life to be like that of a star? Burning brightly for a short amount of time, driven slowly by that inevitable force of entropy that counts down our time here, only then to again burn brightly even after we die? 
Let's look at that second part from a gospel perspective, 'In an irreversible process, entropy always increases, so the change in entropy is positive' if entropy is a force bearing down on us, encouraging us to waste away our time here, to slowly just crumble like an old wall then in gospel terms, are we not looking at the adversary? An adversary who desperately wants to be an irreversible process, always increasing? 
Yet this doesn't have to be the way. We don't have to give in to this spiritual entropy, this wasting away of our souls. We have the beautiful healing power, the boundless forgiveness and the great promises of Christ's atonement to act as our reversible process. 

Mosiah 3:19 
For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

What's this conference thing?

If you didn't know this weekend was LDS General Conference, that means we don't have regular church meetings, instead we are welcome to go to the chapels to gather and watch the talks, however most people decide to stay home. We still uphold all of the normal Sabbath day observances and most people will still wear Sunday dress too, it just feels nicer at home in my opinion (or someone else's home) plus you get snacks, blankets and all that fun stuff. It also means that those of us with early morning meeting times outside of the Mountain Time Zone don't have to get up anywhere near as early...this is a big bonus. Especially because this year it meant I got a lie in on my birthday, oh and it meant that fast Sunday was a week early which is nice for birthdays too. 
During conference Church leaders talk to a packed conference centre of 21,000 people as well as the millions viewing on screens around the world in 94 translated languages, 80 of which are translated live in the room. They talk to us about the important topics of the time such as the Refugee Crisis, they teach gospel doctrine with stories from their lives and they generally guide and uplift us. The talks are interjected with beautiful music from local stake choirs, the Missionary Training Centre choir and the Mormon Tabernacle choir and wrapped up with some pretty cute 'mormon message' videos. All in all it's pretty awe-inspiring. 
I guess to the outside world it must seem mind-numbingly boring, and I will raise my hand and admit that when my first April Conference rolled around I put off watching it until I could just watch one small video at a time over a few months. This was my first October Conference and even though I was excited to be a part of it I managed my expectations just in case it was as boring as I thought it might be. Not the talks so much as the fact that its several hours long...hours... How can I watch older men and women talk on and on for hours without having something else to occupy me? Sure, I could take notes but that's just as boring, there was nothing for it but to try not to yawn constantly, right? 
Wrong! Those hours don't feel like hours at all! Some of the talks didn't speak to me quite as much as others, which is completely fine and to be expected, but even those held my attention well. I took some notes, snacked a little and even coloured for a while but my attention was always listening for the answers I wanted to hear. 
I was trapped by the spirit, and I was 100% happy with that. 
Anyway, I wanted to give you guys a short little run down on what this crazy Mormon conference thing is, hopefully I managed that. If you wanted to watch a few of the talks, read some summaries of just have a nosey around you can find them all on www.lds.org and after a little while on the mormon.org youtube channel.

Is it worth it?

This week is LDS General Conference week, it's also invisible illness awareness week, the week we held Young Womens presidency meetings, the week in which my husband is out at sea over 8000 miles away so I won't be able to talk to him, as well as the week coming up to my birthday plus all the usual weekly things that go on. Needless to say that my mind is in overdrive. How to gather my thoughts into something intelligible and vaguely coherent? Well it's a challenge, but I'll try my best.

Oh and it's also the week that Autumn really took hold in the south of England, which is never great for me and happens to coincide with being on 1/2 doses of my main medication. So, a great week health wise. Want to know what keeps me going? What's keeping me sane, somewhat treading water and with a glimmer of hope? It's the knowledge that Heavenly Father gave his only begotten son to us, knowing he would have to suffer and be sacrificed for us in order for us to one day return and spend eternity with him in a perfect world. Let's back up and look at a really important word there, 'knowledge' not a thought or an idea but firm knowledge. It's not a belief, it's a knowledge guided by faith. And what a wonderful thing to know, that we will spend eternity with unfailingly perfect bodies. I can't even begin to imagine that. I don't even remember a time before pain and fatigue controlling every second of my life.

This week is hectic, there's a lot to think about for all of us. I'm sure we could all write a list similar to the one I opened with containing all of the items we need to cross off our to-do list this week but I'm still going to ask you to add one more thing. Forgive me?
Think of the pain in your life, both physical and emotional, then think of that amplified to cover the pains of everyone around you, again amplify that feeling to cover all the pains of everyone you ever have or will meet. Don't dwell on it, just spend a few minutes thinking. What you just pictured cannot even be one percent of what our saviour felt as he sacrificed himself for our sakes. For you. Just you.
Then release all of those pains, every single one, and imagine the greatest day you can. It could be spending a day outside with your children with no worries at all, or spending all day with your partner akin to a chickflick montage of summer romances. Then think of that amplified to cover all those little things you worry about, let them all melt away. Again amplify that feeling to cover more than a day, perhaps a week or even a month. What you just pictured cannot even be one percent of what we will experience when we are reunited with our Heavenly Father. Except it isn't just for you, it's for everyone you love.
Does the second image justify the first? In my mind it isn't even a question.
Spend some time this week thanking your Heavenly Father for that opportunity.