A year of fear not - wrap up 1

So it's Monday (day 20), it was a slow start so I've only now got around to writing an end of week wrap up with the selfish purpose of reaffirming and reminding myself of what I should have taken in this week.
Day 11 - Exodus 14:13, 
This is...difficult, the principle for the day was to stand firm and wait for victory when surrounded by trouble. I'm not good at standing still, both literally and figuratively actually, and it's still hard to remember that God is on my side...that I'm not fighting alone. How weird is that? He's always been there, that hasn't changed but I'm also used to being self-reliant so when trouble comes knocking I look to myself to fix it, I guess it's not that I forget exactly - more that I just don't think about there being other options than fighting alone. A lesson I need to learn.
Day 12 - Exodus 20:20, 
I'm thankful for the other group members that day, I've never like the idea of 'God-fearing' because I always thought of it as being afraid of the Lord and that just doesn't sit well with me. However, the other members helped me see that maybe the word 'fear' in this sense doesn't mean 'to be scared, afraid' but could instead mean 'in awe of, respect' and that the proving part doesn't necessarily meant that God is testing your worth as such. This whole verse could really be telling us that we don't need to fear trials or challenges because we have the awesome power of the Lord on our side and if we respect that power we can make it through just fine.
Day 13 - Num 21:34, 
I'm not going to bluff you, this verse didn't speak to me at all and that's okay. There may not be a message for my situation right now, I may not be open to it or maybe it's just not for me...any of those are a-okay.
Day 14 - Deuteronomy 4:21,
Fear stops you from getting what you deserve. 
(I'm holding back further thoughts on this for now, maybe I'll tell you them someday)
Day 15 - Deuteronomy 3:2,
Fear comes from all over, from different places and situations, caused by different people and words, all are valid and all are conquerable. And each victory builds you, gives you another layer of armour to help you battle on so it's okay to start small. In fact, start tiny, start with the smallest fear you can think of and then keep building your armour with each victory.
Day 16 - Deuteronomy 3:22,
There is no fear when God takes control. 
There is no fear when God takes control.
There is no fear when God takes control.
Do you know what that requires? Allowing God to take control. Note to self - Allow God to take control.
Day 17 - Deut 20:3,
Hearts are fickle things, full of softness and passion. Now, that's not a bad thing at all, it's actually great and just how things should be but, sometimes it means that hearts tremble and quiver. They're not quite up to the job of guiding us all by their squishy-selves, and lucky for us they don't need to. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that hearts and strongest when they're full of love, we know how much more we can face when we have a loving partner beside us, how much more courageous we feel with our parents hand in ours. So imagine how strong our hearts can be with the love of our Heavenly Father?
Day 18 - Deut 31:6
This was my favourite of the week, not just because Google has an awesome selection of cute graphics for this verse though that is a factor, because of the message that smacks me in the face everytime I see it. Maybe that's not quite the right phrase, it's much more like a warm cuddle or a chocolate biscuit that's been perfectly dunked in milk. 
God will never abandon you. Not when you're weak, not when you're abandoning him, not when you're afraid, or prideful, or angry or desperate. 

Want to join us? -
https://www.facebook.com/groups/726418587508507/

Stop holding on and just be held.

Listen to this song for, just for 3minutes and 42 seconds stop what you're doing, listen and watch the video.

Ready? Okay, this song has been a favourite for a little while and sits firmly at the top of my Sunday morning playlist, but today in the middle of stake conference the chorus was playing loud and clear in my mind. It was as if someone was literally playing the music as a backing track to the talk that was being given. Now lately I've not been very good at listening and acting upon promptings but this time I'm determined to act upon this very clear message. I've been doing too much holding on, so much of my life is beyond my control so I have a tendency to grasp whatever I can control with both hands, that's not necessarily a bad trait and is an integral part of my personality. Anyone who knows me will completely agree that I am stubborn and controlling, sorry everyone. 
The problem comes when I take over the wheel. One of the speakers today told a story of a man he once knew called Mike, Mike was a long haul truck driver in America who drove back and forth across the country with a Book of Mormon in his pocket spreading the Gospel at every truck stop along the way. One day he was driving his truck in winter conditions, but he was an experienced driver so all should have been fine, business as usual. The truck hit black ice, there was nothing Mike could have done, and the truck immediately jack-knifed and began to skid at speed covering every lane of the road. It was a nightmarish situation, anyone coming down the road was also in danger and the chances of Mike surviving were slim, it was a truck drivers worst nightmare. Mike struggled to turn into the skid, he just couldn't get the truck to straighten out. He gave a quick, short but passionate prayer 'Heavenly Father, help me', a small voice told Mike to let go of the wheel. He couldn't, so again the voice told him ' trust me, let go of the wheel' yet Mike still couldn't fight his instincts to grip that wheel, again the voice said 'Mike, I love you, trust me and let go'. So he did, he dropped his hands to his sides and the truck straightened out. 
How many of us are gripping that steering wheel, refusing to let go because letting go is terrifying? I definitely am.
Later Mike was able to pull over and again prayed, so grateful of what had happened and again he was answered in that still, small voice. He was told that this arrangement wasn't working out, his Heavenly Father was not happy with being Mike's passenger, He wanted to be in the drivers seat to teach and show Mike how to become more like the Saviour. 
If we were spoken to that way, would we be able to let go? Could you move to the side and let the Lord lead your life? The thing is, we may not have been asked in the same way Mike was but I can almost guarantee that we have been asked. It was during this talk that the chorus of this song played in my mind:
'So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held'
It's at our lowest, when our trucks are skidding and our worlds are falling apart that we turn to Him for help, yet do we let ourselves be held? Do we stubbornly try to fit it in our our terms, in our way? Well it doesn't always have to be that way, we shouldn't try to control the way our Father in Heaven helps us, the atonement isn't on our terms after all. He didn't sacrifice his only begotten son for us to then try to make it fit our agenda, I'm sorry if that's news to you, that's not the way life works. It isn't our eternal plan, it's His and I especially could do with remembering that sometimes.
So I pledge to let go a little, to follow the promptings wherever they lead because I have faith that they will never lead me astray, I might not always get it right and I'm sure I will falter when those promptings come up against my awkward, stubborn, British personality but that doesn't give me any excuse to not try. Can you try?
'So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held' 
-Casting Crowns, Just be held. 
Video from YouTube (castingcrownsofficial)

Portabella chicken

Portabella chicken ... sort of, because I didn't use portabella mushrooms...

This is a new favourite I discovered this week and of course tweaked to take less energy!
Effort - 1/2 Cost ££ (purely because chicken breast can be pricey, however I estimate that this cost me around £4)

Ingredients for 2 people
2 chicken breasts
Two handfuls of sliced mushrooms, I used 3 large chestnut mushrooms because that's what I had in the fridge. 
1/3 - 1/2 Tin of cream of chicken soup
Salt and pepper - dried mixed herbs if you're feeling fancy
Tender stem broccoli - I used 5 stems.
1/4 courgette
1 Sweet potato - it doesn't need to be peeled but it's a personal preference.
Garlic oil

-To make this with even less energy you could serve the chicken on salad, with rice or something like mashed potato.

- Place the chicken breast into a Slow Cooker, cover with the sliced mushrooms then spoon over the soup. I used between 1/3 and 1/2 of a tin, you want the chicken to be covered but that's all.  Add a sprinkle of salt and pepper. 
- Cook on Low for 6 hours, High for 4 hours. It doesn't need stirring or anything like that, just keep the lid on.
- When there is 30 minutes to peel (if you want to) and cut the Sweet Potato into small chunks, about 1.5cms if you're being technical. Slice the courgette into thin strips a few millimetres thick.
- Chuck them in a bowl with a small glug of oil, a sprinkle of salt and a shake of the mixed herbs. Give the bowl a shake to get them coated then spread them out on a baking sheet. Pop in the oven for 20-25 minutes at 180`c. 
- When there are five minutes left on the clock take the chicken out of the pot and wrap in foil, throw the broccoli into the juices and turn the slow cooker to high with the lid on. 
- You're done! Serve up, cover in the sauce and enjoy!

Christ and the second law of thermodynamics

Have I lost you already? I promise this won't be as boring and tough as it sounds.
This was inspired by a talk given in a family presentation during sacrament meeting this morning so a big thank you to Brother Lomax. 
The second law of thermodynamics is sometimes referred to as Entropy, it's something you'll know about even if you can't name it. Think of an old abandoned house, nobody lives there and nobody causes it any harm yet it still crumbles and falls apart. Think of cheese that you left in the fridge before you went on holiday, no one has done anything to it yet its mouldy and rotten when you get home. So, that force, that strange thing that slowly and inevitably wears everything down is entropy, it destroys thing purely through time. Google (via the Boston University physics department) defines the second law of thermodynamics and entropy as 'The second law of thermodynamics can be stated in terms of entropy. If a reversible process occurs, there is no net change in entropy. In an irreversible process, entropy always increases, so the change in entropy is positive.'
Are you still with me? I know this doesn't make much sense in terms of the Gospel but I promise we're getting there. So let's take the first part of that explanation 'if a reversible process occurs, there is no net change in entropy' from this we can boil it down to mean that the only way for entropy to not increase is for there to be a reversible process. In the Gospel we have that reversible process, we have the healing power of the atonement. Mosiah 3:19 tells us that the natural man is an enemy of God, that we can't cast it off until we become a saint through the atonement. Now, if entropy is a natural process of the universe then it is also part of the natural man, simply put it's why we age, therefore entropy is an enemy of God. We know that the last thing Heavenly Father wants for us to waste away, to succumb to the natural man and allow ourselves to be worn down in earthly matters. Christ's atonement was to allow us to become more, to become greater than the natural man, this is our reversible process. What greater way to reverse the wearing down effects of the mortal life than to submit to your Heavenly Father and allow yourself a second chance. We will not waste away with this planet, the earth is dying - I think we all on some level agree with that. When we see starlight, what we're actually seeing is millennia old light from a dying star, do we wish to fade out completely and be forgotten like an old light bulb or do we wish for our mortal life to be like that of a star? Burning brightly for a short amount of time, driven slowly by that inevitable force of entropy that counts down our time here, only then to again burn brightly even after we die? 
Let's look at that second part from a gospel perspective, 'In an irreversible process, entropy always increases, so the change in entropy is positive' if entropy is a force bearing down on us, encouraging us to waste away our time here, to slowly just crumble like an old wall then in gospel terms, are we not looking at the adversary? An adversary who desperately wants to be an irreversible process, always increasing? 
Yet this doesn't have to be the way. We don't have to give in to this spiritual entropy, this wasting away of our souls. We have the beautiful healing power, the boundless forgiveness and the great promises of Christ's atonement to act as our reversible process. 

Mosiah 3:19 
For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

When your bed makes you seasick

Let's start off by explaining that Vertigo does not mean 'afraid of heights' the word for that is actually Acrophobia. Vertigo is actually the name of that swaying and dizzying sensation you get when you look down from high up, hence the confusion, except that for some people that sensation can come from any movement. In fact, it sometimes even comes from laying still. 
That's my reality today, my bed has become a boat on choppy waters and don't even get me started on trying to walk. So there were a few options open to me today: I could attempt to battle on regardless and undoubtedly end up fainting on all over the place complete with bruises covering my skin;  I could lay in bed pitying myself as I let the situation get the better of me or I could do what I did - Make myself a comfy little nest in small bouts of energy, find a few jobs I could do on my laptop, put on several episodes of Poldark, and find the joy. 
It's been a busy weekend with a lot of brain-work so having a day to rest and potter online was refreshing, it gave my brain a little rest! I could cross of a few things from my to-do list such as e-mails to reply to, bills to pay online, and graphics work which gave me a wonderful sense of achievement and purpose. I could catch up on TV programmes and films, write blog posts, and research video ideas that would otherwise take me away from the other household jobs I 'should' be doing without any of that guilt. 
So my message today is to try and embrace joy in any and every situation! It isn't always easy, I know that, and we absolutely shouldn't ignore the bad times because it's healthy to address those too but we can't dwell in the negative. We need to actively look for the happiness, and I promise that if you do you will see a difference.

Shall we have a giveaway?

We're almost at 2500 views! I have no idea how that happened but I'm glad it did and incredibly thankful to each and every one of you. 

So to reward your perseverance I thought we could have ourselves a little giveaway competition!

 The rules are simple, you must be subscribed here and to my YouTube channel here -> https://t.co/UgCjQuYPGH then leave a comment under this post to let me know! Once we hit the 2500 mark I will open the competition for one more day before drawing two winners! 

The competition is open worldwide for both winners!

There will be two prizes (obviously books), the First place winner will have the choice of which prize to claim with the other prize going to the Second place winner.

Good luck!

UPDATE!
Want to know what the prizes are?
A paperback copy of Lucas by Kevin Brookes because it's my favourite book!
& A audible copy of Fateful (book one of the Fateful Vampire Series) because it's my favourite audiobook series!

What's this conference thing?

If you didn't know this weekend was LDS General Conference, that means we don't have regular church meetings, instead we are welcome to go to the chapels to gather and watch the talks, however most people decide to stay home. We still uphold all of the normal Sabbath day observances and most people will still wear Sunday dress too, it just feels nicer at home in my opinion (or someone else's home) plus you get snacks, blankets and all that fun stuff. It also means that those of us with early morning meeting times outside of the Mountain Time Zone don't have to get up anywhere near as early...this is a big bonus. Especially because this year it meant I got a lie in on my birthday, oh and it meant that fast Sunday was a week early which is nice for birthdays too. 
During conference Church leaders talk to a packed conference centre of 21,000 people as well as the millions viewing on screens around the world in 94 translated languages, 80 of which are translated live in the room. They talk to us about the important topics of the time such as the Refugee Crisis, they teach gospel doctrine with stories from their lives and they generally guide and uplift us. The talks are interjected with beautiful music from local stake choirs, the Missionary Training Centre choir and the Mormon Tabernacle choir and wrapped up with some pretty cute 'mormon message' videos. All in all it's pretty awe-inspiring. 
I guess to the outside world it must seem mind-numbingly boring, and I will raise my hand and admit that when my first April Conference rolled around I put off watching it until I could just watch one small video at a time over a few months. This was my first October Conference and even though I was excited to be a part of it I managed my expectations just in case it was as boring as I thought it might be. Not the talks so much as the fact that its several hours long...hours... How can I watch older men and women talk on and on for hours without having something else to occupy me? Sure, I could take notes but that's just as boring, there was nothing for it but to try not to yawn constantly, right? 
Wrong! Those hours don't feel like hours at all! Some of the talks didn't speak to me quite as much as others, which is completely fine and to be expected, but even those held my attention well. I took some notes, snacked a little and even coloured for a while but my attention was always listening for the answers I wanted to hear. 
I was trapped by the spirit, and I was 100% happy with that. 
Anyway, I wanted to give you guys a short little run down on what this crazy Mormon conference thing is, hopefully I managed that. If you wanted to watch a few of the talks, read some summaries of just have a nosey around you can find them all on www.lds.org and after a little while on the mormon.org youtube channel.