Let me start by saying that I understand that I'm incredibly privileged to even be able to consider this, but I also want to make it clear that it's not an easy thing to do either.
I'm coming off my pain medication, the big neurological ones that are supposed to keep me ticking over. That is beyond scary, but I feel like I have no real choice here, my options are limited and right now this is the best one. The medication is a popular one for Fibromyalgia in the UK, it's also supposed to help with the pain from some of my other conditions, but comes with a stack of long term interactions, scary side effects and general bad news - for some people that's the best option they have, that's fine for them too. However, for me, it's something I just don't want anymore because I've been on and off this med for around 5 years now and I'm still waiting for it to really work...it takes my daily base pain down to a bearable level though it by no means makes me pain free.
There was a study recently published about how this drug can hinder the creation of brain synapses, for most people that's not a huge deal because the brain doesn't create many as an adult in normal circumstances. Except that I was 19, so my brain was still happily making new connections and should have been continuing to do so for a few years, when I was first prescribed ever increasing doses of this medication, who knows what damage was done? I'm haunted now with thoughts of what I could have been, it's possible that it wouldn't change anything if I hadn't taken it but I'll probably never know.
I don't want to bore you with a long list of reasons that I'm making this choice, what I wanted to focus on was the empowering part of this choice. This is my choice, my pain levels will go up, I'll have to rely on other pain relief methods and there will be some other things to deal with along the way but the benefits outweigh the negatives right now and I am making this decision for myself. Oh, and I also want to ask you all to just bear with me while I get used to this change.
Can you imagine having to decide between two poor options? One path will mean you can live a little more of a normal life for a while but it is damaging your body, whereas the other means you have to sit out on life a little more but damage your body less. Both will affect your quality of life negatively: one gives you crippling migraines that last for days with little rest in between, the other will make your daily pain 5-6/10. Both will affect your quality of life positively: the left path allows you to be a little more active, the right let's you have a clearer/less drowsy mind. It's like choosing between your heart and your head, you win and lose no matter which way you go. Many, many people will give me their opinions, not all of them supportive, but at the end of the day when I'm in curled up in bed with a snoring puppy and the heating clicks on I need to be able to think of my decision with some vague feeling of content...and they won't be there for that. That's on me, as it will be when the med is fully out of my system and the inevitable flare kicks up. Will I still think I made the right decision then? Who knows, but for right now I am satisfied.
- Because somebody will ask - No, the other medications recommended are not an option for me unless you know some secret ones that I don't. I didn't make this decision without doing my research first, I've also spent the past 6 years trying all sorts of medication cocktails.
- Also, I'm not off all my meds, just this one and I have done the proper withdrawing procedure. Do not change your medication without consulting your Dr first.
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