E is for Expectation.

Expectation - noun A strong belief that something will happen or be the case.

When I was younger I was labelled as the family 'genius' the one most likely to succeed. I had very grand plans for myself, I was going to get two PHD's and find a cure for something as well as being a pop star, paediatrician, novelist and award winning artist. Simple.

But it wasn't just me who had high expectations of what I was going to achieve, I wasn't pushed or anything like that but it was simply expected that I would always got the top marks and stay out of trouble. Which is exactly what I did until I hit about 17 and I nearly dropped out of college.That was the first time I'd ever not lived up to my lofty expectations. The following year I had to leave another college course just before I was to leave for university, here I felt another failure. From then on I've been in and out of work and am now working an apprenticeship which fingers crossed I'll finish.

Now most of these 'failures' were out of my control, chains of events that I couldn't stop but still each and every one felt like I was letting everyone, myself included, down. But expectations change, they don't have to follow you forever, you can let them go and set some new ones. 

Especially with chronic illness you almost need to separate who you were before and who you are now, what that person was going to do isn't necessarily what you have to do now. I'm never going to be a pop star, or a doctor and probably not the next J.K.Rowling but that's OKAY. I don't need to be.

With a chronic illness people can also expect you to act a certain way, think certain things and not be able to do certain things. Your illness does not define you.

So let go of your expectations, let go of your failures, focus on what you have done and what you can do.

An expectation from the past is just another way to remind you how much you can't do. Set your self some goals, achievable but lofty.